18 Years, and Counting

12-28-14

Today I celebrate 18 years of marriage with my wife Julie. 18 years of memories:

In 1996, we made a promise

In 1997, we were blessed with the best gift we never knew we wanted. Joseph Paul

In 1998, I graduated from CCS, Julie was changing lives

In 1999, we took a chance and moved to Atlanta, GA

In 2000, our reward for that chance was a beautiful little girl we named Rebekah Louise

In 2001, we took a chance and moved to the state of New York

In 2002, our reward for that chance was a beautiful little boy we named Aaron John

In 2003, we were regulars at the Strong National Museum of Play

In 2004, we cultivated our garden

In 2005, we spent many days in Maryland with Joanne

In 2006, we saw RENT in NYC

In 2007, we welcomed my brother and his family to spend Christmas in NY

In 2008, we traveled to OZ

In 2009, we saw my mother get remarried

In 2010, we spent lots of time in Disney thanks to our generous parents

In 2011, we bought a home

In 2012, we took a chance to forge our own path with Brandtatorship

In 2013, we left the country to celebrate a retirement (read: freedom)

In 2014, we started the college tours for the best gift we never knew we wanted

In 2015…

 

The Photos of Lewis Wickes Hine

Lewis Wickes Hine was an american sociologist and photographer that was born in 1874 and died in 1940. His photographs were instrumental in changing the child labor laws in the United States.  Many of his black and white photographs are currently on display in an exhibit at the George Eastman House, International Museum of Photography and Film located in Rochester, NY. The work is striking, raw and honest.  Many photos depict factory workers in undesirable conditions. The large format photo at the front of the exhibit of the young working children is particularly nice.  Right down to the kid on the right caught digging for gold.

A couple weekends ago while at the museum with the family and my visiting brother-in-law Steve, my oldest son Joey and I stumbled across a series of five Lewis Wickes Hine portraits that we lingered on for awhile.  The subjects were standing proud.  Facing the camera and cropped from about the chest-up. Each were from a different social class. The man in a suit.  The young girls in pretty lace dresses, the older farm hand. The strapping young man.  I turned to my son and said,

“Joey, look at each one of these photographs.  Each one, a person, with a life that’s long since gone.  They had a family, people that loved them, what is their story? They each have one that’s unique.  We can make assumptions of thier stories by the way they’re dressed. Does this man in a suit own his own company?  Did this woman just bake the best blueberry pie? Perhaps this man in overalls works outside on a plow and gets up before the dawn. His skin, weathered from the sun. Does this girl have any sisters? Did she get married? Have a family of her own?  Joey, It’s fascinating. Here we look at them as art, but in reality they were people first. Each of these individuals had others that depended on them. I would love to know their stories.”

Joey responded: “Wow, this guy has a really big nose!! Uncle Steven! Come look at how big this guys nose is!” and he turned to find his uncle.

…sigh…

The Lewis Wickes Hine exhibit is on display until September 8th and the George Eastman House, International Museum of Photography and Film.  Check it out if you have the time.

Growth In SYTE

My son auditioned for an ensemble role in the Webster Theatre Guild’s 2014 Summer Youth Theatre Experience (SYTE) production of The Wedding Singer.

In the end of the school year, baseball games, work life and every other commitment hustle and bustle we apparently neglected to tell Joey of the SYTE audition. He found out about the audition yesterday from a friend at school. As a result he had to pick a song today (Read: at 3pm today), and had to get up in front of 15 his peers at 7pm and sing. Yep, quiet, shy, reserved Joey sang Any Dream Will Do, from Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Whether he gets a part or not, I was very proud of my son for stepping outside his comfort zone to audition.

I was able to snap a stealth photo of him while on stage. When he sees it I am sure he’ll be mortified. My son amazes me every day. His ability to persevere in situations is remarkable. He was nervous as hell at the audition and while quiet in voice he sang beautiful and nailed it. I think he grew a foot taller today. My heart sure did.

Dogs (A Poem By My Son)

While cleaning my home office last week I came across a poem written by my son Joey. This was a school project that he did a couple years ago and while it’s about dogs it really translates to any household pet.
He has no idea I found it, held on to it for these last couple years and now decided to share with the world. I guess he’ll realize it someday as he reads through these posts. Maybe he’ll be mortified. Maybe he’ll smile. Who knows? It’s a sweet poem and if you’ve ever seen him interact with our dog Maxwell you’d know it’s spot on.

Dogs

Dogs are blankets that warm you on a cold day,
They make you feel like you’re never alone,
A dog will follow you with no delay,
And even to the world of the unknown

Dogs want to play and have some fun,
And understand when you are busy,
They wait for you, and when your work is done,
They play with you until you feel dizzy.

Even though our lives may be in distress,
They will always be there to comfort you,
And get rid of all the burdening stress,
So you will not feel nearly as blue.

So all that time,
That you and your dog spend,
Should reinforce that dogs,
Are man’s best friend.

-Joseph Paul Mayernik

The Ties That Bind.

My son Joseph Paul is wise beyond his years.

Sensing my frustration Saturday morning he asked why. I told him being in Michigan, away from our home, our life, our dog Max takes it’s toll. Compound that with Rebekah’s dress she brought being way too small, forgetting black socks or not bringing the right dress shirt, or shoes and not being able to just go in our closets and switch them may sound trivial but that too takes its toll. All this slows us down and we were in serious danger of being late for the one event we came to Michigan for. Add the fact that we are here in on Mother’s Day weekend was a blessing but sitting in a car for 6 hours as we drive back to New York on Sunday is hardly the great day his Mother deserves.

Joey looked and me and said, “I understand, that’s hard. Is there as anything I could do help ease your stress?”

Um, what? My son, asking me if he could help my emotional state? Aren’t I the father and he the son? Like I said, my son is wise beyond his years. Joey has the gift of understanding, observation and logical thought. He is smart, compassionate and a true old soul. It’s an honor to be his Father.

“Just be respectful to your siblings and family while we are here. Listen to your Mother, and would you like to wear this blue tie to Annie’s First Communion?”

Joey responded, “Would it ease some of your stress?”

“Yes it would, Joey.”

“Okay I will. Show me how to tie it.”

So we sat on the spare bed in the upstairs of my Mother-In-Law’s home and I showed him, just like my Father showed me. It was a blessed moment, and not because he wore a tie, but because he reminded me that sometimes to make it through the day we may need someone to support us.

No matter the age.

The Moral of Mystic River

“Just admit what you did. Come on, it will be alright… just admit what you did.”

Jimmy Markum (Sean Penn) speaks these words as he waits for the justification he needs before killing Dave Boyle (Tim Robbins) in the 2003 movie Mystic River. Dave is bullied into giving Jimmy the closure he needs to deal with the death of his own teenage daughter. If you have not seen the movie read no further: Spoiler Alert! Dave dies, and shocker… he didn’t do it, and his reward for fessing up to crime he didn’t commit is his body gets dumped in the Mystic River.

In this case it’s not about getting to the truth. It’s about the need to be right at that moment so that feelings can be placed at ease. In most disputes the truth is muddled by our own interpretation of events, our own insecurities, or logical point of view. But what can’t be disputed are facts. In Mystic River, Dave was dealing in fact. Jimmy was dealing in emotion. Dave didn’t kill Jimmy’s daughter, and Jimmy finds out too late and since he was hunger for closure he acted in haste.

I hope my children understand this very key point so that when they are on the playground, or as adults they can always deal in fact. I don’t want their own interpretation altering the truth just to justify their position. Nor do I want them to wrongfully own up to something they didn’t do just because of pressure by another. Remember, facts can’t be disputed. Any good lawyer knows this.

The moral? Stand up for yourself and deal in fact. That way nobody gets wrongfully dumped in the river.

A Series of Riddles.

While shopping at the mall Joey poses this question: “Dad, I am going to tell you a series of riddles, you tell me your answer. Ready?”

“Sure.”

First question: “There’s a plane carrying 500 bricks. A man on the plane tosses one brick out the window. How many bricks are left on the plane?” Since I’m not a math guy and thinking it’s a trick question, I tentatively respond with “499”. Joey says correct. Score one for me.

Next question: “If you only have 3 steps to put an elephant in a refrigerator what would those steps be?” “Well basic physics aside, I would think it’s 1. Open the door, 2. Place the elephant inside, and 3. Close the door.” Joey says correct. Score two for me.

Next question: “Now explain in four steps how you’d place a deer in the same refrigerator the elephant is in?” Now on to the absurdity of the questions I respond with “1. Open the door, 2. Ask the elephant to slide over (remember physics don’t apply here in the riddle world), 3. Place the deer inside 4. Close the door.” Joey says “Incorrect, you need to ask the elephant to leave the fridge first” (I did not realize there wasn’t room for both of them inside the magical fridge of holding.) Score Dad 2, Joey 1.

Next question: “The lion is having a party with all the animals except for one, which one is missing and why?” Thinking this is a gimmie a respond, “The deer. He’s on the menu since he’s inside the fridge.” “Yes, the deer, but no he’s not to be eaten, he’s stuck inside the fridge.” I’ll take that as half credit. Dad 2.5, Joey 1.5.

Next question: “A woman needs to cross a river that’s home to a killer crocodile. How does she get across without getting eaten?” Thinking it’s a trick question I respond with. “She uses the bridge.” “Incorrect. The crocodile’s at the party with the lion.” Dammit. should have seen that coming. Dad 2.5, Joey 2.5.

Final question: “The woman still dies while trying to cross the river. How does she die?”

“She drown’s?”

“Nope”, he says… “She gets hit by the brick.”

Dammit, I knew this as a trick question. Final score: Dad 2.5, Joey 3.5.

15 Years Later

On November 12, 1997 my son Joey was just a mere 7 days old. Seems like forever ago. Seems like just yesterday.

In his baby sketch book on this day I wrote down some words. They weren’t intended to be formed into a poem, just some thoughts on paper reflecting what was going on at the time. 15 years later, I thought I’d share them with you.

I also documented an UNO game played at the hospital between us, my Brother John, my Sister-In-Law Diane, my other Brother Dan and my other Sister-In Law Linda. The final score from the game: Dad: 191, Uncle Dan: 209, Aunt Linda: 108, Mom: 102, Aunt Diane: 108, Uncle John: 156.

I also drew a quick sketch to show Linda the difference between a shotgun and a rifle. (These three thoughts in the sketch book are unrelated… but represent a moment in time early on in Joey’s life.)

November 12,

People do not operate
on the same logical level.
Things we think as rational or irrational
may be perfectly normal,
or even bizarre by others.

We must know that we will
never be able to change
one’s rational personality.

The sooner we learn this,
the happier life will be,
for we can try to understand
than to change.

It’s hard to believe just how relevant these words are to me 15 years later at the close of 2012. It’s hard to believe Joey is 15 now. When I was 15, I had a job as a stock clerk at Frank’s Nursery. I learned how to drive. Met Julie in High School, and lost my Father. Now Joey is 15 years old.

Seems like a lifetime ago that Joey was born. Yet it seems like just yesterday.

All Stall Questions Get Answers

My kids are funny.

They ask questions.

A shit ton of questions.

I love that they are so inquisitive, but there is one set of questions they ask that I rather they didn’t ask as much. They’re the stall questions before they formulate their thoughts. The “Dad, do you know what I find strange?” type of question that leads into what they really want to ask. I’m trying to get them to realize there is a better way to start a thought. Occasionally starting with a question is understandable but I want them to learn how to formulate their thought before they speak instead of using a lead in line to stall before they get to the point. When they get in front of their peers in school, or when they are working on a presentation to a future client I want them to speak intelligently with clear concise thoughts. In turn, they’ll be looked upon with greater authority and they’ll be able to command the room better.

Until then I will continue to use this opportunity to hone my improvisation skills.
Here are some of my responses to their stall questions.

Dad do you know what I find funny?
Realizing that plumbers do not grow on trees, but plums do?
Bears that juggle?
Pants with back pockets on the front?

Dad do you know what one thing I don’t understand?
Why the Germans invaded Poland?
How Wall Street trading works? Yeah I don’t understand that either.
The lyrics to songs written by James Mercer of The Shins?

Dad do you know what I find surprising?
The fact that three words that don’t rhyme happen to be colors? Silver, Purple and Orange… really what are the chances?
That all those clowns can fit in that tiny car?
That a cruise ship can float? Well that’s just basic physics…

Dad, do you know what I have been thinking?
That the movie Waterworld should never had been made?
That it’s a good thing cats don’t have opposable thumbs? Because if they did, I am pretty sure they’d rule to planet, well at least Canada.
Why Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck had to split up?

Dad, can I ask you something?
Sure, as long as it does not reference any movie involving Goldie Hawn.
Sure, as long as it has nothing to do with the rules of board game Stratego.
Depends, are you going to ask me if I can eat fire? Pretty sure I can’t do that.

Dad can I ask you a question?
Sure, ask me anything about the game of Monopoly.
Absolutely, but i’ll warn you now, I can’t speak Spanish, so if it a question about Spanish your out of luck.
Yes, but after I am done practicing my wax statue impression of Johnny Depp. (then I just stand there frozen)

The trick is trying to come up with something new and random each time. Joey and Rebekah, have caught on and now rarely start thoughts with stall questions. Aaron on the other hand gives me plenty of opportunities. When he finally catches on it will be mission accomplished.

On a side note Aaron turns 10 on July 19th. Happy Birthday Little Buddy. Do you know what I have been thinking? (No, it’s not about the bulk cost of upscale French textiles) That it’s hard to believe that my Little Buddy, is not so little anymore.

The Reverse of Polarity

I used to play with magnets and their wonderful Star Wars force like powers. A quick slide across the table and I was Yoda moving magnets without touching them. “Mmm, move a magnet with my mind, I will.” It’s simple science… opposite poles attract, similar poles repel.

However, life is not as simple. Somehow it happened. The polarity has shifted with my children, and it happened when I least expected. My reach in’s for kisses are met with an equal repel away like two magnets both turned to the south polarity.

The polarity of the camera repels them when I attempt to take their picture. They move equally fast away when I reach in for a hug at the check-out line at Target. The latest magnet to shift is with Rebekah. She gets embarrassed when I say we are on a date.

Well at least she still holds my hand. For now.

That, along with the couch foot massages are my last two Magnets.